I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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