she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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