Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
