i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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