he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
