I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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