I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
