I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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