Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you had me at cake vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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