my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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