Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
