is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
