I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
