so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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