dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
