It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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