this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
