It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
