so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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