he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
