he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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