omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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