my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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