I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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