This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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