I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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