I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
