I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
