She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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