Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
