Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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