so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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