u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
