Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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