"it" just moved
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
