U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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