My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
