why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
