I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
