Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
false alarm, still single
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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