he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
