In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
