dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
