Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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