Just cropdusted the office
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
