I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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