They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
