No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
