well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
