Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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