I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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