apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
