u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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