I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He felt like a one man threesome
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
