He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
