note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
