also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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