Where did you get a picture of my penis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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