I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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