Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
