I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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