I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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