So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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