I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They have beer where we have blood.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
