I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
did i just pee glitter
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
