shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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