I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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