I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
