I cockslap morals
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
