Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
