I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He passed out mid-signature
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
