It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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