just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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