things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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