You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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