Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Every concussion has its silver lining
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
