somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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