We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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