theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
