Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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