she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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