im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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