Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
