Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
