I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
