That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
love makes seman taste better
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
